Sometimes there's so much to write but not enough quiet around here to write it. Other times, I'm too quiet inside to have much to write.
These present moments for me are quite unique. It is as if everything that used to be so important to me months ago - things that would pull me out of bed early and keep me awake at night - means absolutely nothing to me now. We literally are living each day with no thought of tomorrow, something very difficult for me the planner. But it is what the first trimester is meaning for me this time around.
I'm in the process of looking for things to look forward to. Have you ever been in that particular phase in life? I like to flip through books and magazines but am not reading them. I like to sneak my hidden stash of mini Reese's buttercups in the pantry without an ounce of guilt. I like to dream of things I'll sew or plan or do someday and stop right after the dreaming.
And I'm fine with all of this.
The warm weather has served us quite well. It gives me a broader perspective on what the earth is undergoing right now and, thankfully, serves as a reminder that my body's changes can only bring about goodness and gladness as well. I've always felt as though the first trimester serves as a testing ground - before the beautiful bump and kicking and reality of baby - as a sort of refiner's fire to prepare and humble us before the more beautiful moments that await.
I have to say that I'm beginning to soften a bit, though. The sickness has finally, as it always does, brought me to a certain amount of humility that helps me smile more and grumble less. It has pushed me to be around others more rather than withdraw. This does always happen, and thankfully so.
Thank you for being such good listeners on my journey....
the sleepy time gal