I was awoken in the wee hours this morning three times to an eager little girl who needed to use the potty. I thought somehow the nighttime with a pull-up would mean a break for me potty training two, but not so. It was peaceful this morning, looking out at the quiet world that wasn't awake yet with Ainsleigh close by. Every time I put her back in her bed, I knew her task hadn't been complete--she'd be calling out again soon.
I came downstairs early--something I've lost the willpower to do since being pregnant. I stood in my living room and just stood there. What to do at 5 am in the morning? Projects require too much brain power, reading would probably put me to sleep... but sitting in my swivel chair at this bright box and typing seemed the only possible idea.
It is such a phenomenon to me. It is the one place I come to share and talk. And yet, sometimes, I come to this swivel with nothing to say. It follows the lives of me and my family quite closely. I've always wanted it that way, through the creations and triumphs to the questioning and defeats. I've wanted and needed a place to be honest with myself and let that reflect here, time and time again.
I started the Sleepy Time Gal almost two and a half years ago with the vision to inspire. That first year was the hardest, as any new adventure is, as I tried to find my grounding, my voice, and my confidence in writing daily. I tried doing, at times, what I saw other bloggers doing, but veering away from me never felt comfortable or ever flowed. With time and a lot of trial and error, I learned to focus on who I am and let that lead me and this blog for that matter. Thankfully, that perspective with this space has nurtured me to come to accept myself in many ways that I kept trying to fight, like doing what works for me and shutting off the constant voices of comparison. And accepting what I do well and what I don't do well and finding peace in my honesty with myself.
Now the sun has risen and life has started all over again with four little ones-- some jumping on couches and some still groggy. The swivel chair and this bright box of a computer will be pushed away for now for something better... Until tomorrow.
the sleepy time gal