let the rain fall...

IMG_0726

Today greets me with rain.

 

I feel a rain cloud overhead of me as well.  I tried to wake up early to sew today to shake it, but it lingers.  Four half-sewn pairs of toddler pants later my mind is still falling back on what I want to ignore: the divorce of some of the dearest, closest people in my life.

 

I don't write for a response from you, but because I've been hurting, and when I hurt it affects every part of my life, even this space.  Today I hurt, other days I simple ignore it.   Some days I've cried, other days felt bitter.

In the end, I still have my life to live, my family to nurture despite the pain.  There are little tender moments I hold my husband as tight as I can, in case, just maybe, he can make it all go away.  And then I walk away, and pretend as if nothing has happened in my world.

 

Hurt and pain and sorrow make me have to fill the hollow in my heart with something light and wonderful.  My children.  My marriage.  My hopes and dreams.  My choices for joy in my life.  What would life be without the light to fill the dark?  Hope to recover hopelessness?

 

And so this morning, I sit here with the calmness of Chopin's Nocturnes and let life flow all around me: the beach ball being kicked around in the kitchen, the drone of the dishwasher,  and the pause of rain right outside my window...